Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Enough with the dad jokes - give it a rest...


The question I'm asked over and over is; "So what's the deal with all the Dad Jokes then?"

Well I'll tell you;

I was asked the other day to explain a Dad Joke! You know who you are. Pete! - What is the world coming to when a young man does not understand this basic form of language? It cannot be allowed to die out. It is too important. It is an oral tradition passed from father to son that has been practiced for centuries. It is a fathers given rite to be able to inflict this specialist humor on his children. They, in turn, will find that there comes a time in their lives when they will look down at a tiny little face and without realizing, utter their first Dad Joke. It will feel natural. Comfortable. Right.
With a handful of exceptions, women it seems are unable to carry a Dad Joke into adulthood and successfully deploy it at the appropriate moment. Fact! A bit like only a handful of men can multitask.
There is however, a more mysterious side to the Dad Joke. In 1948 on an expedition to explore a remote unnamed island of Indonesia, Major William Hurt stumbled across an ancient abandoned temple. Inside he found a book; 'The Grand GrimPa' or 'The Book of the Dad'. Written in it's pages, in brown sauce, is every Dad Joke ever uttered, even those Dad Lines that were thought about just too long after their deployment window to be used - the 'if only I'd said' gems. As new Dad Jokes are created or old ones modified, they mysteriously appear in brown sauce script on its pages.
The Major transported the book from the remote island so that he could thoroughly study its contents. He made for the capital of Indonesia; Batavia, later to be renamed Jakarta. His wife, who came of her own accord, found him in his rented lodgings, dead. He was slumped over the book soaked in his own laughter tears.
The book was shipped to England where exhaustive tests were carried out. The book was found to be safe so long as any father reading its pearls, studied it for no longer than an hour at a time taking breaks of no less than one week between sessions. This would be just enough to induce a light headedness and the feeling of being ‘a bit giddy'. When tested on women, they barely lasted two minutes as they "had more important things to do" apparently!
The book was deemed too dangerous to let fall into the wrong hands, not because of the risk to individuals studying its text, but due to the fact that it contained a section toward the back of the book dedicated to Dad Dancing! An Individual or Organisation that had access to an infinite number of Dad 'Shapes' would be catastrophic and could possibly change the face of modern warfare. For this reason the book is secured under constant guard in a secret location just outside Tamworth, UK.

This post is dedicated to Pete. Learning now aren’t you monkeychops?

Right – how do you upload a new Wikipedeia entry?

1 comment:

  1. Haha!! I was laughing throughout that whole thing..

    But on a serious note, that is an incredible story about Major William Hunt, I had no idea about the rich history of the dad joke and especially since they took the time to write each Joke down in brown sauce which I imagine took some patience, along with having to invent the sauce in the first place!

    If such men risked their lives to bring the Dad jokes to society I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I let them die

    Keep the jokes rolling... Even if I dont still fully understand